We are inclined to think
there be certain Buckets that invite kicking, and our uncle Job was one of
them. He was birched at school for everybody but himself, for he never
deserved it! He was plucked at college--because some practical joker placed
a utensil, bearing his name, outside the door of the examining master, and
our uncle Job Bucket being unfortunately present, laughed at the consequent
abrasion of his, the examining master's, shins. He was called to the bar.
His first case was, "Jane Smith _versus_ James Smith" (no relations). His
client was the female. She had been violently assaulted. He mistook the
initial--pleaded warmly for the opposing Smith, and glowingly described the
disgraceful conduct of the veriest virago a legal adviser ever had the pain
of speaking of. The verdict was, as he thought, on his side. The lady
favoured him with a living evidence of all the attributes he was pleased to
invent for her benefit, and left him with a proof impression of her nails
upon his face, carrying with her, by way of _souvenir_, an ample portion of
the skin thereof. Had the condensed heels of all the horses whose
subscription hairs were wrought into his wig, with one united effort
presented him with a kick in his abdominals, he could not have been more
completely "knocked out of time" than he was by the mistake of those cursed
initials. "_What about Smith?_" sent him out of court! At length he
"Cursed the bar, and declined.
Pages:
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27