. . how real it was to me!
It fell out of the skies upon me! The thought never left me. I heard
its voice . . . its laughter; I saw its smile. It called to me all
day, and it played with me in my dreams; I felt its little hands upon
me . . . its lips upon my breast. And it's gone!
ETHEL. Your child!
OCEANA. And his! And think . . . think of the awfulness of it . . . it
was hovering at the gates of life! It wanted to be! And I trembled . .
. I suffered; at any moment I might have said the word, and it would
have come. But I did not say the word . . . and it is gone. And now it
will never come! Never . . . never! I have murdered the child! My
child!
ETHEL. No, no, Oceana!
OCEANA. God! I can't understand it! What does it mean? Did it exist
when I thought of it? Does it exist now? Who can tell me?
ETHEL. I don't know, Oceana.
OCEANA. The strangeness of it! Sometimes my whole being rises up in
revolt . . . I could tear the skies apart, to wrest the secret from
them! You see, we don't know anything. We don't know what's right, we
don't know what's wrong. We're in a trap! [She rises suddenly.] No,
no, I mustn't talk that way. I've lost my self-control. I let myself
go, and I had no right to. Now, what shall I do? Wait, dear . . . let
me think, let me think calmly. [Stares about her.] I want to remember
what father said to me; what I promised to do. See, Ethel . . . the
sun is setting. Look at the sky! And it's the last day of the month,
isn't it?
ETHEL.
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