O, it was all my study day and night
Cunningly to bring this matter to pass:
In all the earth there is no wight,
But I can make to cry alas.
This man and wife, that not long ago
Fell in this place together by the ears:
It was only I that this strife did sow,
And have been about it certain years.
For after that I had taken a smell
Of their good will and fervent love,
Me-thought I should not tarry in hell,
But unto debate them shortly move:
O, it was I that made him to despise
All wisdom, goodness, virtue, and learning,
That he afterward could in no wise
Once in his heart fancy teaching:
O, it was I that made him refuse
The wholesome monition of his father dear,
And caused him still of a wife to muse,
As though she should be his joy and cheer!
O, it was I that made him go hence,
And suppose that his father was very unkind;
It was I that did drive him to such expense,
And made him as bare as an ape is behind.
And now that I have this business ended,
And joined him and his wife together,
I think that I have my part well played:
None of you all would do it better.
Ho, ho, ho! this well-favoured head of mine,
What thing soever it hath in hand,
Is never troubled with ale or wine,
Neither by sea, nor yet by land.
I tell you I am a marvellous body,
As any is at this day living:
My head doth devise each thing so trimly,
That all men may wonder of the ending.
O, I have such fetches,[368] such toys in this head,
Such crafty devices and subtle train,
That whomsoever of you I do wed,
Ye are like at my hands to take small gain.
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