I am
glad she is at last relieved from the knowledge of all my cares, and
though I often and often yearn to throw myself into her arms and pour
out my cares and trials into her sympathizing ears, I would not have
her back for all the world. She has got away from all the turmoil and
suffering of life; let her stay!
The scenes of sorrow through which we have been passing have brought
Ernest nearer to me than ever, and I can see that this varied
discipline has softened and sweetened his character. Besides, we have
modified each other. Ernest is more demonstrative, more attentive to
those little things that make the happiness of married life, and I am
less childish, less vehement-I wish I could say less selfish, but
here I seem to have come to a standstill. But I do understand
Ernest's trials in his profession far better than I did, and can feel
and show some sympathy in them. Of course the life of a physician is
necessarily one of self-denial, spent as it is amid scenes of
suffering and sorrow, which he is often powerless to alleviate. But
there is besides the wear and tear of years of poverty; his bills are
disputed or allowed to run on year after year unnoticed; he is often
dismissed because he cannot put himself in the place of Providence
and save life, and a truly grateful, generous patient is almost an
unknown rarity. I do not speak of these things to complain of them.
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