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Various

"The Wit and Humor of America, Volume II. (of X.)"

And then: "But what's feelings got to do with
cow-pasture?"
"Oach! No wonder he wants to be an anchel, and wiss the anchels
stand--holding sings in his hands and on his head! He's too good for
this wile world. He'd linger shifering on the brink and fear to launch
away all his durn life--if some one didn't push him in. So here goes!"
This was spoken to the skies, apparently, but now he turned to his son
again.
"Look a-yere, you young dummer-ux,[2] feelings is the same to gals like
Sally, as money is to you and me. You ken buy potatoes wiss 'em! Do you
understand?"
Seffy said that he did, now.
"Well, then, I'fe tried to _buy_ that pasture-field a sousand times--"
Seffy started.
"Yas, that's a little bit a lie--mebby a dozen times. And at last
Sally's daddy said he'd lick me if I efer said pasture-field ag'in, and
I said it ag'in and he licked me! He was a big man--and red-headed yit,
like Sally. Now, look a-yere--_you_ ken git that pasture-field wissout
money and wissout price--except you' dam' feelings which ain't no other
use. Sally won't lick _you_--if she is bigger--don't be a-skeered. You
got tons of feelin's you ain't got no other use for--don't waste
'em--they're good green money, and we'll git efen wiss Sally's daddy for
licking me yit--and somesing on the side! Huh?"
[Footnote 2: Dumb ox--a term of reproach.


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