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Various

"The Wit and Humor of America, Volume II. (of X.)"

_)
HOSTESS (_to Poor Relative_)--Maria, you get the clothes-horse. I think
it's in the laundry, or--Oh, I think it's in the cellar. Well, you look
till you find it. (_To Briggs_)--I got as many of the things you asked
for as I could remember. Will you read the list over?
BRIGGS--Turnip and egg-beater--
HOSTESS--Yes.
BRIGGS--Egg, large clock, jar of gold-fish, rabbit and empty barrel.
HOSTESS--I have the egg.
BRIGGS (_much annoyed_)--I particularly wanted the gold-fish, the clock
and the barrel.
(_Guests grow restless._)
Hostess--Couldn't you do a trick while we are waiting--one with the
egg-beater and turnip?
BRIGGS--No; I don't know one.
HOSTESS--Couldn't you make up one?
BRIGGS (_icily_)--Certainly not.
(_Gloom descends over the company, until the Poor Relative arrives,
staggering under the clothes-horse._)
CHORUS OF MEN GUESTS--Let me help you!
(_Improvised screen is finally arranged._ Briggs _performs "parlor
magic" for an hour. Guests, fidget, yawn and commence to drop away, one
by one._)
GUEST (_to Hostess_)--Really, we must tear ourselves away. Such a
delightful evening!--not a dull moment.


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