Prev | Current Page 120 | Next

Various

"The Wit and Humor of America, Volume II. (of X.)"

_) Now, where are my bronchial troches? Don't you think I could
stand just a little more rouge? I think it's a shame I'm not going to
have footlights. Remember, you are not to prompt me, unless I look at
you. You will get me all mixed up, if you do. (_They descend._)
HOSTESS (_to elocutionist_)--Why, I thought you were never coming! I
wanted you to fill in while people were taking their seats. The guests
always make so much noise, and the singers hate it. Now, what did you
say you would require--an egg-beater and a turnip, wasn't it? Oh, no!
That's for the young man who is going to do the tricks. I remember. Are
you all ready?
ELOCUTIONIST (_in a trembling voice_)--Ye-es.
HOSTESS--'Sh, 'sh, 'sh!
ELOCUTIONIST--_Aux Italiens._
"At Paris it was, at the opera there,
And she looked like--"
GUEST (_to another_)--Thirty cents, old chap! I tell you, there's
nothing will knock you out quicker than--
HOSTESS--'Sh, 'sh, 'sh!
(_Young woman finishes, and retires amidst subdued applause. Reappears
immediately and gives "The Maniac."_)
HOSTESS--As I have been disappointed in my best talent for this evening,
Mr.


Pages:
108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132