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Various

"The Wit and Humor of America, Volume II. (of X.)"

Time passes._)
MALE GUEST (_to another_)--Well, I wish to heaven, something would be
doing soon. This is the deadest affair I was ever up against.
OMNIPRESENT JOKER (_greeting acquaintance_)--Hello, old man!--going to
sing to-night?
ACQUAINTANCE--Oh, yes, going to sing a solo.
JOKER--So low you can't hear it? Ha, ha! (_Guests near by groan._)
VOICE (_overheard_)--Madame Cully? My dear, she always tells you that
you haven't half enough material, and makes you get yards more. Besides,
she never sends your pieces back, though I have--
FAT OLD LADY (_to neighbor_)--I never was so warm in my life! I can't
imagine why people invite you, just to make you uncomfortable. Now, when
I entertain, I have the windows open for hours before any one comes.
JOKER (_aside_)--That's why she always has a frost! Ha, ha!
(HOST _enters, showing traces of hasty toilette--face red, and a
razor-cut on chin._)
HOST (_rubbing his hands, and endeavoring to appear at ease and
facetious_)--Well, how d'ye do, everybody! Sorry to be late on such an
auspicious--
JOKER (_interrupting_)--Suspicious! Ha, ha!
HOST--occasion.


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