Ye're gettin' too bold, ye
Compel me to scold ye--
'T is halt! that I say--
Will ye heed what I told ye?
Wan--two
Wan--two!
Be jabers, I'm dhryer than Brian Boru!
Wan--two!
Time! Mark!
What's wur-ruk for chickens is sport for the lark!"
Sez Corporal Madden to Private McFadden:
"I'll not stay a gadd'n
Wid dagoes like you!
I'll travel no farther,
I'm dyin' for--wather;
Come on, if ye like--
Can ye loan me a quarther?
Ya-as, you,
What--two?
And ye'll pay the potheen? Ye're a daisy!
Whurroo!
You'll do!
Whist! Mark!
The Rigiment's flatthered to own ye, me spark!"
THE BEECHER BEACHED
BY JOHN B. TABB
Were Harriet Beecher well aware
Of what was done in Delaware,
Of that unwholesome smell aware,
She'd make all heaven and hell aware,
And ask John Brown to tell her where
Henceforth she best might sell her ware.
OUR BEST SOCIETY
BY GEORGE WILLIAM CURTIS
If gilt were only gold, or sugar-candy common sense, what a fine thing
our society would be! If to lavish money upon _objets de vertu_, to wear
the most costly dresses, and always to have them cut in the height of
the fashion; to build houses thirty feet broad, as if they were palaces;
to furnish them with all the luxurious devices of Parisian genius; to
give superb banquets, at which your guests laugh, and which make you
miserable; to drive a fine carriage and ape European liveries, and
crests, and coats-of-arms; to resent the friendly advances of your
baker's wife, and the lady of your butcher (you being yourself a
cobbler's daughter); to talk much of the "old families" and of your
aristocratic foreign friends; to despise labor; to prate of "good
society"; to travesty and parody, in every conceivable way, a society
which we know only in books and by the superficial observation of
foreign travel, which arises out of a social organization entirely
unknown to us, and which is opposed to our fundamental and essential
principles; if all this were fine, what a prodigiously fine society
would ours be!
This occurred to us upon lately receiving a card of invitation to a
brilliant ball.
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