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Swift, Jonathan, 1667-1745

"A Tale of a Tub"

This
quintessence is of catholic use upon all emergencies of life, is
improveable into all arts and sciences, and may be wonderfully
refined as well as enlarged by certain methods in education. This,
when blown up to its perfection, ought not to be covetously boarded
up, stifled, or hid under a bushel, but freely communicated to
mankind. Upon these reasons, and others of equal weight, the wise
AEolists affirm the gift of belching to be the noblest act of a
rational creature. To cultivate which art, and render it more
serviceable to mankind, they made use of several methods. At
certain seasons of the year you might behold the priests amongst
them in vast numbers with their mouths gaping wide against a storm.
At other times were to be seen several hundreds linked together in a
circular chain, with every man a pair of bellows applied to his
neighbour, by which they blew up each other to the shape and size of
a tun; and for that reason with great propriety of speech did
usually call their bodies their vessels {119b}. When, by these and
the like performances, they were grown sufficiently replete, they
would immediately depart, and disembogue for the public good a
plentiful share of their acquirements into their disciples' chaps.


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