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Swift, Jonathan, 1667-1745

"A Tale of a Tub"


Pursuant to which, their next enterprise was to break open the
cellar-door and get a little good drink to spirit and comfort their
hearts {99b}. In copying the will, they had met another precept
against whoring, divorce, and separate maintenance; upon which,
their next work was to discard their concubines and send for their
wives {99c}. Whilst all this was in agitation, there enters a
solicitor from Newgate, desiring Lord Peter would please to procure
a pardon for a thief that was to be hanged to-morrow. But the two
brothers told him he was a coxcomb to seek pardons from a fellow who
deserved to be hanged much better than his client, and discovered
all the method of that imposture in the same form I delivered it a
while ago, advising the solicitor to put his friend upon obtaining a
pardon from the king. In the midst of all this platter and
revolution in comes Peter with a file of dragoons at his heels, and
gathering from all hands what was in the wind, he and his gang,
after several millions of scurrilities and curses not very important
here to repeat, by main force very fairly kicks them both out of
doors, and would never let them come under his roof from that day to
this.


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